Selection from 'Rough Cut':
The workers building stadiums for the World Cup is just another problem, which indicates that Qatar hosting the World Cup is not a good idea. Almost all of the workers that are constructing the stadiums for the World Cup are migrants from India, Pakistan, Nepal and other underdeveloped nations. They are working inhumane conditions with poor living standards. Firstly, there is evidence that proves that the migrant workers are forced to stay and work in Qatar. Qatari companies have taken away the passports of migrant workers and are thus not permitted to leave. Furthermore, the workers are paid close to nothing considering the amount of work they contribute. The living standards are also poor with most living in slums. This violation of basic human rights is just one of the many factors which prove that Qatar should not be allowed to host the world cup. These acts in many cases show how similar workers are to slaves.
Re-edited Selection:
Another issue behind hosting the World Cup in Qatar is the
treatment of workers involved in the construction projects for the World Cup. Almost
all of the workers that are constructing the stadiums for the World Cup are
migrants from India, Pakistan, Nepal and other underdeveloped nations. The
migrant workers have been found working in inhumane conditions with poor living
standards. Firstly, there is evidence that proves that the migrant workers are
forced to stay and work in Qatar. Qatari companies have taken away the
passports of migrant workers and are thus not permitted to leave. Furthermore,
the workers are paid close to nothing. This is unfair considering the amount of
work they contribute. The living standards are also poor with most living in
slums. This violation of basic human rights is just one of the many factors
which prove that Qatar should not be allowed to host the world cup. These acts
in many cases show how similar workers are to slaves.
1. The content changed as I elaborated more on certain points in the selected section of my project. In addition I corrected some grammatical and spelling errors. I did change some words to more vocab words which makes my project sound more credible.
2. The form of this section did not change to much. I mostly changed the length of certain sentences. In addition I made the introductory or topic sentence more concise and shorter. These changes I feel will help present the content more effectively.
1. The content changed as I elaborated more on certain points in the selected section of my project. In addition I corrected some grammatical and spelling errors. I did change some words to more vocab words which makes my project sound more credible.
2. The form of this section did not change to much. I mostly changed the length of certain sentences. In addition I made the introductory or topic sentence more concise and shorter. These changes I feel will help present the content more effectively.
Here is a link to my post explaining my comment.
ReplyDeletehttps://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=6148341088725894320#editor/target=post;postID=7333240042757420962
You mention that there is evidence that proves that workers are forced to stay in Qatar. I think if you could quickly mention the source of that evidence it would strengthen your argument. There are a few sentences that still need some work because they are a bit awkward to read. And I would omit the part explaining why its unfair to pay someone. The not being paid speaks enough for itself and the immorality doesn't need to be explained. But good job.